Getting Lazy

I have been lazy about blogging & writing in my journal lately, I think that is related to my general laziness with my exercise and diet. I haven't fallen off the wagon but I have slipped a bit. My walking has had to be curtailed due to an annoying issue caused by walking. I have suffered with this twice before, I get a sore spot at the top of my leg that I think comes from an ingrowing hair follicle due to trousers rubbing when I walk, the last one I had was horrendous, I end up with a sebaceous cyst which takes about 3 mths to heal, during which time I can't walk much at all as it is painful, rubs the dressings I need to use off & just stops the healing happening. I sometimes just want to yell - I am trying so hard to improve my health & fitness, this happens because I am overweight but I can't seem to make any headway with getting to a more realistic weight. Last summer I had to stop walking due to bad hip pain, I rested & had physio, it is much better now but still plays up when I walk alot. I have stuck to my points but I am not choosing aswell as I was.

I just did 2 short walks last week(3 miles) plus a few school runs. I gained half at ww but it was day 1 of TOTM, I actually felt slimmer, my scales are still not working so I have no idea what is happening weight wise now. I had an ok weekend. We went to family wedding on Friday & my dress fitted much better than at end of March, despite it being TOTM. It was still a bit snug but it is about the only size 16 clothing I can wear at the moment (which is why I bought 2 bikinis in a size 16!) I think that was a bit of wishful thinking!!!

I have walked this am after schoolrun, my hubby is away this week so evening walks are out of the question, the big 5 miler is not an option either as my daughter won't stay happy in the pushchair for that long & she comes with me on my daytime walks. I have had a busy day today, 5 kids, 2 dogs & 2 12 week old pups are alot for 1 person to keep up with, I have done alot of housework today aswell. Shattered now but I need to stay up to keep the pups company for a bit longer, hubby normally does that as I like to be in bed by 10.30 usually.

I have an appointment with my gp tomorrow, last time I saw her she weighed me & said if I lost 1kg (or more) in 4 weeks she would prescribe Orlistat for me. I think I have probably lost about 2kg in 4 weeks. I am really not sure what to do. I am so tempted to try it as I feel like I just need a bit of a helping hand, I never feel that my weight loss reflects my effort, it is always so very slow for me. Since she weighed me I have stuck to ww approx 85% of the time & it is usually alcohol that takes me off track at the weekend, not food. I have not had any major blowouts, have really reduced my intake of bread, eaten 2 chocolate bars all mth (which were counted) I also haven't eaten any of the activity points I have earned, I just offset them against my wine at the weekend. I probably haven't eaten as much fruit & veg as I should but my exercise has increased dramatically. I feel much better than just a 2 kg loss though, I am definately slimmer, my spare tyre is reducing, I just feel generally slimmer all over. I think I will see what gp says, if she thinks it is a good idea I might try it. I am terrified of the side effects though!

I need to get back to feeling motivated, I feel abit low tonight, like I am not getting anywhere & yet that contradicts what I have just written. I am bloated this evening and have had a hungry day, could have eaten a horse but have stuck to my points. Argh! why is this so difficult? I am back to thinking that I will always be fat. Glass half empty. I am sure I will feel better tomorrow.

Milly xx