Trundling along

We have just got back from a weekend away to a wedding. It was a great day & I really enjoyed spending time with my family. I felt shocking though, my dress was too tight & my shoes hurt. I had a real major wobble when the dancing had just started, I was dancing with my 6 yr old when my 10 yr old calmly informs me that my bum sticks out loads in that dress. Now I have always had a large derriere & have hyperlordosis of my spine ( sticky out bum!) I went & sat down at the end of the record, my kind hubby told me he had told son not to tell me. I was rather hoping for 'you look fine'-but no! Just that he shouldn't of told me! Well it could of gone either way, I very nearly sat down for the rest of the night, hiding offending backside under the table, I got back up instead & went back to dance - lots! Ended up having a great time, danced with my kids & sister loads so much so that my knees are hurting today. I have to stop caring about my big backside & other peoples perceptions of me or I will never get anywhere. I would have danced till the end I think but we had to leave as my youngest got overtired & needed her bed.

I am back home now, catching up with everyones blogs. Something Lesley said about having faith that her body can do this really struck a chord with me. That is something I don't have, I don't have faith in my body at all. It just wants to get fatter & more immobile I think. I seem to be giving up at the first hurdle lately when I really need to persevere & push through that time when my body is screaming Noooo! give me it back! I am still having some health issues, have just started taking iron, I am hoping once that kicks in if I am not so tired all the time I will be able to do a bit more exercise without having to push myself to my limits all the time.

I must also stop being so hard on myself, I am definately my harshest critic ( except maybe my 10 yr old son lol!) I have been mean to myself for having setbacks & telling myself it's just because I am so overweight that I am tired all the time, turns out my iron stores are in my boots so there really isn't any wonder that I am a bit shattered. I have done this to myself many times before When I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism in 2004 I had been very unkind to myself, I thought I just needed to kick myself up the bum & stop moaning. My fourth ghild was 6 mths old & I thought it was just because 4 children was too much for me. Now I can look back & acknowledge that actually I did really well to keep going, I continued breastfeeding my baby despite feeling exhausted all the time & My levels were off the scale for one of the measurements. I think I maybe just expect too much of myself. I often wonder what would happen if I just gave up trying to lose weight for a year or so, maybe it would stop the negative cycle I seem to be in. I am always so worried that I will pile loads on though & as I struggle to lose, it will just make matters a whole lot worse. I don't want miracles but would of liked to be a dress size less by summer. That feels a bit impossible right now.

Oh my! What a dreary complaining post! I will stop whinging & get on with my day.
Cheerio for now.