Feeling better

I seem to be getting on a bit better, my cup is half full again. I think it is a result of getting out & about & getting some perspective on my life. I am mainly a cup half full person, I just sometimes find that when everything gets a bit much I become despondent. This is often linked to pmt. I get low & think I need prozac, that was only 2 days ago & I know I definately don't need prozac today, just to learn to go with the flow more & not panic when things are a bit tough.

Food wise things have been ok. It is my alcohol that has taken me over. I am by no means a big drinker but hubby has had a week off so we have drank wine more frequently than usual. We ended up at a friends last night & had a lovely time, there were lots of other people there & all went well until the takeaway arrived, the outcome ended up good but it was my willpower as people would not take no for an answer. I kept saying, No thanks, I've had a meal & I'm not hungry & I am trying to cut down. IT WAS RELENTLESS!!!! They kept trying to tempt me, in the end I felt rude. Why do people do that? I didn't need to eat, didn't want to eat but they would not leave me alone. I got through it in the end & didn't eat. I am a bit of a people pleaser but I am so proud that I would not back down & eat something just to make them feel better. There is also a side to me that has thoughts like 'I am sure these people comment about how much weight I have gained' (a few of them anyway) I am definately the biggest of all my friends & that never seems to matter to those real close mates I have, they see my struggles & know that I am not just a lazy cow who scoffs all day. (I think that is how I think others see me sometimes) Anyway, these people were not being thoughtful to my efforts, quite the opposite.

Well tomorrow I need to quit the wine for the week, I may have a bit of success then. I am really happy to go slow, 1lb a week would do me if it was consistent & reflected my effort. I cannot sustain the really good all the time but I can be good 80% of the time & still lose slowly if I keep busy too. This is the time in my cycle when I struggle the most & often regain what I have lost in the first half of my month. I would love to exercise my backside of but this just does not fit in with my busy family life. I can devote sometime to myself & exercise but not masses, that would be selfish, there is just too much to do in our home on a daily basis for either of us to be that focused on ourselves at this stage in our life. This stage will pass though, my toddler will go to school, my eldest will hopefully go to uni(or start pulling his weight lol) I used to get up & swim early & that worked for a while until I got exhausted, something had to give & swimming had to go. I will hopefully try that again sometime. I am a bit of my own worst enemy when it comes to swimming though, I cannot take it steady, I used to swim competitively in my early teens & I am always pushing myself to improve, never just take it steady. I cannot bear to swim slowly! I still need to try running but at the moment daily life exhausts me, I just need to up the ante & get past that first push without collapsing in a heap!!!

Anyway Adios blogland, I'll be back!