Walking again - yay

So pleased kids are back to school so I can get out walking again, it really helps that it has been such a lovely day today. I am feeling a bit achy tonight as I haven't done much exercise at all for the summer hols, it's a good achy though.

My diet plans are just to try on my own for a bit. I know ww inside out, when I stick to it it works, so I will go back to keeping on track & see what happens. ( I left before my hols as I am starting a new job soon so can't go to that meeting) I must not spit my dummy out when weight loss is slow though. I think if I can get over the hurdle of not losing when I think I should I will be ok.
I have lost a couple of lbs already, just need to keep going.

Millyx

So........

Well it's laughable really! Been away on hols again, had a great time with my family, wonderful infact. We went to a fab hotel in Gozo (Malta) where the staff really looked after us. We were half board, breakfast I didn't go mad (but ate 3x as much as I normally would lol) we ate lunch out or I made us a light lunch in our self catering facilities, when we ate out I always had a salad & about 6 chips! Evening meal was delish, a la carte, I chose soup rather than pasta most evenings, main course was meat, potatoes & fresh veg, always lovely. We had barby 2x a week. desserts I mainly picked fruit or none but 3 times I didn't resist the delicous cheesecake. But..... I nearly always had bread & butter with my evening meal, I had butter on my toast the first week but I was growing at an alarming rate so I knocked that on the head. I would love to say they were my only downfalls but OH NO! most afternoons when the kids had a snack - crisps/biscuits I joined in & then there was the drink. a beer at lunchtime, hubby & I would share a bottle of wine with our evening meal & then go back to our apartment & share another.

The plus side, I swam a fair bit, played with the kids, dived in, bombed in the pool lol, swam nearly a full length underwater, swam in the sea, tried to walk but it was stifeling (sp?) too hot to walk much.

The damage? not as bad as I thought, but the damage was probably already done with my previous holiday.

The stats:- 7/7 pre Ibiza - 14 st 7 lbs
15/7 home - 15 st
7/8 pre Gozo - 15st 2lbs
22/8 home - 15st 7lbs

So..... over the course of about 5 1/2 weeks I have gained a stone!!!! shocking I know, I have never gained so much in a short space of time but I am not too fussed at the moment, I am sure I will be again but right now I am chilled.

I read Peridots blog tonight & she mentioned a 27 year old dying of cancer, that's so tragic, she was in her prime surely? I have also just done a 12 & 1/2 hr bank shift on my old neonatal unit. I met a new mum who had just had her 1st child, she is 7 mths older than me but looked at least 7 yrs older, her health is dreadful, she faces such challenges just to keep her baby with her & that slapped me in the face. I may not be the 'approaching 40' that I envisioned but I am doing ok. I have 5 lovely kids who stress me out so much & make it difficult for me to make exercise a priority but I love them, I love my life being centered around them and I am thankful for them even though they exhaust me. I am overweight & I have some health issues that won't be going away but I am not disabled. I still have a very full, busy life, it tires me but I nearly always keep up. I am basically telling myself to get a grip & get real. I also met a woman a few weeks ago who is 2 years younger than me, she is disabled & she will only get worse (was previously normal until 18 mths ago). I feel as though God is telling me to make the best of what I have, I am not so bad really, I am not what I thought I would be but I am still attractive, healthy & very blessed. I scrub up well, my hubby still finds me attractive (how I don't know lol!) & I can keep up with my life.

So where do I go from here? I fluctuate between wanting to lose weight & wanting to be healthy. I live & dream ww points & find it hard when I go over them. I still do though. I long to be able to run, I need to buy running shoes, I should make that a priority. I bought some a while back but bought too cheap & they don't fit. I am a bit lost for where to go, but I can't stay here, I even contemplate slimfast. I need a plan, it's got to tick all the boxes. 1. lose weight 2. be healthy 3. be fit. I have about 4 mths till I hit 40, any suggestions?

Milly x

Whoops!

Not really doing anything well right now. I have been unwell again. I really need to get to the bottom of what is causing my problems. I feel a bit annoyed that I have been going to the Dr's since January with issues & I am still having them. I am mostly annoyed that I am having to think what could be causing my problems, that should be their job. I spend alot of time reading on the internet alternating between reassuring myself & frightening myself. I haven't had a peace about my health since new year & I need that peace!

Consequently my diet has gone to pot, I have been eating fairly normal though but I feel like I am bigger & more flabby due to lack of exercise. I need to get back into the cycle of eat well, feel well. I aim to start on friday/ saturday as it is payday & I can buy lots of fruit & veg. Until then we are geting by on the basics which aren't always the healthier option. I have been eating biscuits as snacks because it's all we have in. ( I don't buy the biscuits-hubbys grandad sends them for the kids)

I will try to update soon. Milly x

As bad as I thought!

WW was as bad as my scales suggested argh! I really have put all that weight on in one week. This is a bit of a shock to me but I really should have seen it coming. In the past I was slow to lose which was a bit of a pain but I was also slow to gain. I now seem to have a double whammy that I am slow to lose but quick to gain. I think I need to just get to grips with my battle - I EAT TOO MUCH!!!!!!! I am surprisingly ok at the moment. I have other things on my mind that are overshadowing my weight issues.

While away I thought alot about being normal & healthy. I think I am too far gone for this but I am not convinced. I used to maintain, I seem to be struggling with that right now. I think that it is my body that has changed rather than my approach, that hasn't really changed, if anything I have more good days than I used too. Anyway I am plodding on because its all I can do. There is no magic cure. I just need to get my head round the fact that I need less than I take in. I will be back.

Milly x

210 lbs again

Well back to 210 again. I will weigh in at ww again tonight & it might not be that bad, I sometimes expect more weight gain because of my morning weigh in but then ww isn't as bad. I think some mornings I just weigh 'heavy' I then don't gain any in the day like I normally would. We shall see though. I am not too disheartened because if I have gained 6 lbs in 1 week I know why. It is when I gain for no good reason that I get upset. Back to cleaner healthier eating. I think I may experience hunger for a few days lol!

Back soon, Millyx

Been away

We have just come home from a great weeks holiday in Ibiza. We had a fab time, really good fun & lots of delicious food & drink. I didn't limit myself at all so I am dreading the scales in the morning but hey ho, I ate the food that puts the weight on!

Before we went away I did really well, I reduced my food & alcohol intake dramatically & it paid off, I got down to 204lbs which is an all time low for me since I started back at ww last november. In that time I have lost 9 lbs, not much I know but it has stayed off (until I weigh in tomorrow) In the week before I went away I realised I have been very lazy with my eating, I ate masses of fruit & veg and I felt so much better, cleaner somehow. I think I have got into just making sure I have my 5/day & keeping within my points, it definately worked upping the f&v & reducing the carbs, I am actually looking forward to getting back on track because my over indulgence has given me heartburn over the last few days.

I have a new goal, currently my bmi is in the obese catergory at about 32. I thought a good goal would be to get to be 'just' overweight. That is 190 lbs for my height which is a loss of over a stone (15lbs) I would like to get there by this time next year, slow I know but I just get upset with myself if I aim to lose a stone in 2 mths & end up losing 2lbs. If I aim for longer I will be delighted if I achieve my goal before then.

Anyway, off to catch up with all in blogland. Milly x

210lbs again

Enough said :-(


Edited to add, I gained 1lb at ww this evening, it is not as bad as I expected. I weighed again on my own scales before I went & I had lost 1lb since this morning. I think it is fluid retention, probably due to a high salt meal last night. I don't feel as bad as I did. It is 12 days until I go on my holiday, that is enough time to at least lose a couple of lbs & feel alot better about myself.

Cheerio for now. Millyx

Good news 205lbs

What, how? I have got back on track but my exercise is just normal. The only explanation is that my thyroid meds have been upped a bit, I am hoping it is that as that means the weight/fluid will stay off & not just be freak of my scales. (I was 206 yesterday so there is hope) We shall see. It is so hot at the moment that even the walks to school are hard work, I am on antibiotics again (5th time this year) so am not feeling great. I am wanting to comfort eat but I managing to not go mad. I have just put a packet of crisps away that hubby bought me. I will save them as a small treat after ww tomorrow. I love crisps, they are my favourite food! I think it is crisps that are responsible for my weight (or me eating them to be precise) I am trying to limit them, this week I am taking a none at all approach, we go on holiday 2 weeks today & I am trying really hard with my diet till then, I will re evaluate while away as my constant struggling is making me miserable. I may try to maintain for a while until my health issues are sorted, concentrate on feeding my body what it needs to be healthy rather than obsessing about points values.

I'll be back Millyx

new start again again! 210lbs again

As the title says, today I start again. I am ready to do all the things that make me feel good about myself and fitter. I don't know why I do what I do, I think this time was definately comfort eating due to hubby being away. I also get mad with my body, I think I punish myself with food abit, crooked thinking I know, I think that my body doesn't work properly anyway. I just wish I could punish myself by not giving in to cravings & food desires.

I don't actually struggle that much with cravings, it's definately not physical why I overeat. I also ask myself if I really need the extra food, the answer is always no but I know I will eat it anyway, it is as though I have given up control (rather than lost it)

I will at some point get my head around myself, I need to forgive my body for letting me down & I need to forgive myself for not suceeding in this area of my life. I think my self worth takes a bashing everytime I do this to myself, I end up feeling like such a failure, other people can do this, why can't I?

I am whining again, it's all I seem to do at the moment, it feels self indulgent and I think that is very telling, I have not spent any time/money on myself for years, I am bottom of my own heap but it is me that has put me there, only me can get me out (you see I even think that is too many me's!) me me me! I am trying to be kind to myself, when I am I feel lazy though, there is always so much to do.

I better get going & get on, cheerio blogland, Millyx

New start again

Plodding

Not going up, not going down. Been back to GP today & my weight is the same as last mth. I haven't taken any more orlistat, I don't want palpitations again & it just seems wrong to me, don't know why. It gave me a horrible taste in my mouth (literally)

I am slipping back into bad habits at the moment a bit, I saw a disturbing photo of myself on facebook which instead of spurring me on made me think 'why do I bother?' I showed it to my mum who reassured me I am not actually that big, that does mean something to me as after me she is my harshest critic. We were chatting about my weight a few days ago, I commented that I was overweight in my late teens, my mum told me I wasn't, I spluttered abit & managed to hold back my retort of 'well why did you tell me I was then?' (at the time) My mum has said some very cruel things to me over the years, I 100% don't think she means it, I certainly don't think she knows I remember it. I actually find this aspect of self image very difficult because I find it hard to know what is actually true, on some photos I look ok, on others I look huge. Some friends tell me I look great (my hubby does too) my family tell me a different story. My sister was overweight for a long time & about 5 years ago lost 7 stone, she loosely followed ww, drank lots of coffee & started smoking again. She has managed to keep 6 stone off, she daren't stop smoking. She tells me it's so easy, she looks at me like I have so little self control & tells me to have an apple if I am hungry. Sometimes she makes me want to spit!!! She does look ab fab though. One day I will look that good again, I just can't really see it happening any time soon .

My hubby is away this week, I never know how I will react to him not being here till he goes. This time in my way back from dropping him at the station I stopped at the shop, I questioned myself, I knew that I didn't need food, but I did it anyway, a crunchie & big bag of revels all for me, I didn't share with the kids, I was greedy. I know I really wanted a hug from my hubby & him not to go away, I need to learn to deal. I don't do this very often, tiredness is usually a big factor for me.

I don't think many people read my blog and that is actually fine by me as all I seem to do is moan! I am actually much more positive IRL, I think my blog just gets all the dross, it is not what I imagined, I thought it would be interesting but it is just me venting, maybe over time I will learn and see patterns from my moaning. I still write in my journal, especially when I am doing well lol, haven't actually penned a word since friday so that demonstrates where I am right now, slippery slope comes to mind, with no real inclination to step off it, I know I could get off it if I wanted to but I don't think I do right now, I am wallowing I know, having a bit of a pity party. I need to get a grip, see the bigger picture & accept that this is me now.

That is very telling, THIS IS ME NOW, I am different to how I was 6 years ago, I just need to accept this, adjust my intake & output accordingly & then get on with mt life. 6 years ago, after the birth of my 4th baby I became unwell & was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I actually felt such relief when I was diagnosed, I wasn't going mad. I thought that once on thyroxine all would be fine, I immediately felt better, my dose was slowly increased & I started to feel 'fairly' well again, well 6 years on it seems that is as good as it got. I am different, I don't cope with stress like I did before. I have gradually gained 3 stone, despite my bloods suggesting that I am on an appropriate dose. My last pregnancy made no difference to my weight problem, I actually felt better during pregnancy than usual. I also have periods of 'mild' depression now, if I don't get out and walk school runs I get very low, I then eat more & move less. I have so far avoided anti depressants, when I look back I am not actually sure how. A good friend has helped me through alot, she has since admitted that maybe she was misguided (after a period of difficulty herself) I don't think she was, I am grateful to her, she wouldn't let me give in to what was trying to consume me (out of ignorance on her part) so I learnt different coping mechanisms. I learnt that I need to get out & get some exercise everyday, I learnt that I really need to eat well, if I eat rubbish I feel rubbish. I learnt not to get overwhelmed by my bad days & my struggles at pmt time, there is always tomorrow and it will be better. It usually is better, I don't stay down for long. I still haven't really forgiven my body for letting me down, I need to do that. I am different now, but out of it all I am probably stronger, not better but stronger. I have picked myself up & dusted myself down so many times, I am still doing it. Different issues this time but still having to be resilient, no one on the outside looking in would know. I often wonder does everyone struggle as much as me? I think thats when my pity party starts. I just want a bit of a break, health wise, financial, a bit of 'luck' would be good. I also wonder if it is just an age thing, I am 40 this year, it seems harder to get myself going & heading towards fittness, my strength is currently very poor (especially upper body) I don't know how to stay positive, I think thats what goes wrong, I lose my optimism, I get tired of battling with my body & brain all the time, I get so lost & forget to take 'one day at time' I try so hard and seem to get nowhere, but I actually do maintain & slowly I am creeping down. When I finally get there & I can say I got there 'one day at a time' I needn't mention that it took me about 10 years need I? xxxxx

Once again, sorry for the moaning, I am learning as I type, I have realised I have not truly accepted my hypothyroidism & the changes that has happened to my health & my life(another story) I really need to do that - not sure how right now -but where there's a will there's a way. Millyxxxx

Gutted!

WW tonight was very depressing, I have gained 2 & 1/2 lbs in 1 week, it took me 4 weeks to lose them. I am not impressed. I did deserve to gain, my eating habits have not been good (but I am never actually that bad), my exercise has been minimal, not even any school runs as it's half term. However when I am very good I don't get what I deserve. I did used to be a slow gainer aswell as a slow loser, now I am just a slow loser. I also have totm coming up next week so it will be harder as even on a good week I usually gain 1/2. My loss since last november is back down to 5 & 1/2 (was up to 8).

I haven't taken any more orlistat but intend to try again when I am back on track, need to shop for good food tomorrow. We are down to basics, I should be ok to start the orlistat tomorrow, just worried that I will eat too much fat & suffer the consequences.

Anyway enough whinging, I will be back soon with a half full cup, cheerio, Millyx

Tired

I am seriously struggling, I just feel so shattered at the moment, I am eating all the wrong things. Felt very low this am, got on the dreaded scales & Iam up 3lbs in 5 days. It has just taken me 4 weeks to lose those 3lbs, I let up for a long weekend & BAM! all back on. It feels real too, I feel as though I have swelled up. It is not totm so I can't blame that, just too much food & wine and not enough movement. I will try to get back on track again tomorrow. I was supposed to be walking tonight but I just feel too tired, I/we have been out/worked every night for nearly 2 weeks & I just can't hack the pace. Our last pup of the litter finally left yesterday and I feel as though I can relax at last, it has been a long slog his time, 14 weeks. The house seems quieter now, the kids had started to get attached to him as he was part of the family for the last few weeks, as his litter mates had gone, still he has gone to a lovely home & I really don't need anymore dogs right now!

Staying in to watch a movie with my hubby tonight then onwards & downwards tomorrow.

Milly x

Stuck

The scales just don't seem to be budging, I got properly back on track & have been sticking to my ww points but the scales just aren't moving. I have continued with my walking but not as much, going steadier as I don't want my sore spot to get worse. I do feel much slimmer though, since this last push I have started I have lost less than 4 lbs but I feel as though it is about 10lbs. I really should have measured myself as I have definately lost inches. I think the old cliche of muscle being heavier than fat is definately applying to me. I just hope I see some results on the scales for all my hard work soon. I must not give up!

My appointment with the doctor went Ok last week, on her scales I had only lost 1kg in 4 weeks so I wasn't very impressed. She did prescribe orlistat for me & I had my 1st day on them on saturday (I worked all day friday & couldn't risk the side effects) The day went really well food wise, I kept within the fat recommendations, we were at a barbie so I took my own chicken, I managed to ignore the olives & houmous which I love. I had none of the usual side effects, no change in habits! However I had a terrible night on saturday night with palpitations till 4.30am & a horrible taste in my mouth. I am very sensitive and can't tolerate too much caffeine/aspartamine. I had had 2 glasses of diet coke all day but one was just before bedtime so it could have been that. I will try again, possibly not till friday though, if I have palpitations again though I will ditch them. I have looked up the symptoms & palpitations are not listed but anxiety is, I didn't feel anxious though as I am used to palpitations, have had them for years, they just kept waking me up.

Anyway I will go, I lost 1 lb at ww last week, I think that is about all I should aim for, 1/2 - 1lb /week, our leader told us of a lady who got to goal losing 4 stone at 1/2lb a week. I just need to keep going & not give in because it's too slow.

Cheerio for now blogland, Milly x

Getting Lazy

I have been lazy about blogging & writing in my journal lately, I think that is related to my general laziness with my exercise and diet. I haven't fallen off the wagon but I have slipped a bit. My walking has had to be curtailed due to an annoying issue caused by walking. I have suffered with this twice before, I get a sore spot at the top of my leg that I think comes from an ingrowing hair follicle due to trousers rubbing when I walk, the last one I had was horrendous, I end up with a sebaceous cyst which takes about 3 mths to heal, during which time I can't walk much at all as it is painful, rubs the dressings I need to use off & just stops the healing happening. I sometimes just want to yell - I am trying so hard to improve my health & fitness, this happens because I am overweight but I can't seem to make any headway with getting to a more realistic weight. Last summer I had to stop walking due to bad hip pain, I rested & had physio, it is much better now but still plays up when I walk alot. I have stuck to my points but I am not choosing aswell as I was.

I just did 2 short walks last week(3 miles) plus a few school runs. I gained half at ww but it was day 1 of TOTM, I actually felt slimmer, my scales are still not working so I have no idea what is happening weight wise now. I had an ok weekend. We went to family wedding on Friday & my dress fitted much better than at end of March, despite it being TOTM. It was still a bit snug but it is about the only size 16 clothing I can wear at the moment (which is why I bought 2 bikinis in a size 16!) I think that was a bit of wishful thinking!!!

I have walked this am after schoolrun, my hubby is away this week so evening walks are out of the question, the big 5 miler is not an option either as my daughter won't stay happy in the pushchair for that long & she comes with me on my daytime walks. I have had a busy day today, 5 kids, 2 dogs & 2 12 week old pups are alot for 1 person to keep up with, I have done alot of housework today aswell. Shattered now but I need to stay up to keep the pups company for a bit longer, hubby normally does that as I like to be in bed by 10.30 usually.

I have an appointment with my gp tomorrow, last time I saw her she weighed me & said if I lost 1kg (or more) in 4 weeks she would prescribe Orlistat for me. I think I have probably lost about 2kg in 4 weeks. I am really not sure what to do. I am so tempted to try it as I feel like I just need a bit of a helping hand, I never feel that my weight loss reflects my effort, it is always so very slow for me. Since she weighed me I have stuck to ww approx 85% of the time & it is usually alcohol that takes me off track at the weekend, not food. I have not had any major blowouts, have really reduced my intake of bread, eaten 2 chocolate bars all mth (which were counted) I also haven't eaten any of the activity points I have earned, I just offset them against my wine at the weekend. I probably haven't eaten as much fruit & veg as I should but my exercise has increased dramatically. I feel much better than just a 2 kg loss though, I am definately slimmer, my spare tyre is reducing, I just feel generally slimmer all over. I think I will see what gp says, if she thinks it is a good idea I might try it. I am terrified of the side effects though!

I need to get back to feeling motivated, I feel abit low tonight, like I am not getting anywhere & yet that contradicts what I have just written. I am bloated this evening and have had a hungry day, could have eaten a horse but have stuck to my points. Argh! why is this so difficult? I am back to thinking that I will always be fat. Glass half empty. I am sure I will feel better tomorrow.

Milly xx

Damage Limitation

Our weekend away went well, we had a lovely time, just me & my lovely hubby. We always get on better the more time we spend together & sometimes our extremely busy lives get in the way of 'us' so it was great just to spend time with him. I nearly wanted to come home on Saturday am when my mum told me that my daughter had cried for me in the night, I felt very mean as she is a darling & doesn't cry much. I held it together though, she was fine the next night & was really pleased to see us at lunchtime when we got home, she didn't seem remotely traumatised or clingy so I thing she coped well in the end.

Food went down very well, I enjoyed everything I ate, we had a fabulous lunch in La Tasca on Saturday & I drank a moderate amount of wine. I did find that I couldn't finish some of my meals so hubby helped me out. I don't know what the damage will be, the battery has gone in my scales & I don't think I'll replace it for now, it can make me have a bad day if I weigh in & it's not favourable. I am pleased to say I have been for a walk this evening as planned, I aim to be back properly on track with food tomorrow (today hasn't been horrendous). The only down side is that I have TOTM coming up this week so will puff up like a balloon, we then have a family wedding on Friday when I will wear the dress that I felt so uncomfortable in at wedding in March. I am really hoping it won't be as tight but totm fluid will not be my friend in this, I am just hoping it is not at it's worst or the dress will just not do up. I have no alternative, no money to buy one or time to shop. So I will just keep hoping for the best. Scary pants will have to work their magic (again) I dread the wind taking my skirt and blowing it up, I look like Mrs Doubtfires bodysuit in my scary pant/short thingies.

Anyway, time to quit waffling and head to bed, I have a very busy week coming up and want to still fit in pleaty of walks. I will report back soon, Milly

Good news

I haven't posted in over a week but that isn't because I fell off the wagon, I stayed on well, coped well over the b/h weekend with just a bit of alcohol over my points, that was compensated for by all the miles I walked as I didn't eat any of my activity points. My mileage was similar to last week & the last walk I did on wednesday I actually enjoyed - hurrah! It was a slighter slower pace as someone new was with us, I still felt tired & sweaty at the end but not exhausted on the way round.

Anyway now for the good news - I lost 2 lbs!!! amazing loss for me, I feel slimmer, much less bloated, jeans are fitting better & everything doesn't hurt so much. It is working & I am so glad I got over my despondency.

The only problem is that me & hubby are away this weekend in a hotel, no kids. I will try to choose well but I find it very hard to disipline myself in such circumstances, time off to me means time off everything. I intend to get back walking on sunday evening & I think my knee will benefit from a few days off walking no further than around a huge shopping centre tomorrow. It has been a bit sore & I don't want to end up injured.

My total loss for the last 3 weeks is 3 & 1/2 lb, I know this is incredibly slow for most people but it is good for me, the consistency is great & I feel as though I am still living along the way.

So I am going to chill but not go mad today & tomorrow, then straight back on track on Sunday am, I will pick the healthy breakfast in the hotel. I never go particularly mad, I don't binge, I just sometimes eat more high calorie snacks than I need & ofcourse indulge in the liquid cream cakes (alcohol).

Anyway, enough waffling, must go & get on with clearing up my house a bit so my mother can find her way around when minding the kids & dogs this weekend. Cheerio, Milly x

This is it!

And so it has happened again. Great week, 27 miles walked, feeling fitter, feeling slimmer, walking easier already, food has been great, have coped really well, all very good but.......... lost half at ww, but this is it, I 'know' that if I manage to not lose the plot & spit my dummy out that I will see results next week. It doesn't help me that my walking pals lost 2 +1/2 & 5 lbs. They are both only about 1 stone overweight. This is where I usually get despondent, thinking 'what's the point?' this is why I want to poke my gp in the eye when he tells me 'it's simple-eat less, move more' this is where I want to rant that it's just not fair, why doesn't my body work? but saddest of all to me, this is where I think I will always be fat, that thought makes me want to cry. I know I am doing this right, I know I am not eating hidden calories and I also know that it does work when I stick to it. There are a few explanations for my poor loss 1. it is just after mid month which is a time of fluid retention for me, 2. all the extra walking is building muscle (it has been hard slog!) 3. last nights walk was the 5.5 mile 'biggy' of the week, I have heard a theory that the day after a big workout our muscles retain fluid, cluthing at straws maybe-but if it helps me keep on the straight & narow I will have that one!

If I had posted last night it would have been a totally different post, I was on a high, our walk was fab, we averaged a 14.5 minute mile & that was including our warm up & cool down. The 50 mins when we really went for it were fast. We walked with a couple of friends who have been doing this circuit for 6 mths, it was hard to keep up with them but we did it (one friend did lag behind but not me,)I even managed a short run & seemed to have a spring in my step. I have noticed that I am much more energetic & my knees don't seem to be as painful when walking downstairs & this difference is exactly 1 week since the 1st longer walk we did. This fills me with optimism that my measly 1/2lb weight loss is not stealing. I just need to see this journey I am on as a long comfortable walk rather than a sprint. I have to commit to the long haul. I think I am a long haul kind of person, I must remember when I am struggling that my friends who lose so much easier than me also seem to gain at the same speed, I am slower to lose than I am to gain but I think that is true for everyone. I am sure that nobody finds it easy, there just wouldn't be any overweight people in the world if it was that easy.

Well that's all for now, I will be back with an update soon. x

Still walking

Have done 3 more shorter extra walks since last thursday, all 3.5 miles, all hard work but I feel so much better for them. I really thought the lactic acid would have got to me after the first walk as I ached as soon as I got home. I stretched once I got in & then had a bath & suffered only mild stiffness the next day. I always thought I was 'walking fit' but I am struggling to keep up with my friend. I have lots of stamina though so it is a good workout because I have to push myself so hard to keep up. I am sure it is her flashy new reebok trainers that are propelling her forward lol. My next big wak will be Wednesday evening & we are doing the 5.5 mile again, hopefully I will find it easier.

Fail-with a difference!

I think I have been setting my sights too high! I 'aim to do so much in a week then feel despodent when I don't achieve the goals I have set. Well this week I decided I would take it steady & just walk the school runs-until yesterday, I suggested to some friends that we try to fit in an evening walk. Off we went with the choice of a 3.5 mile route or 5.5 mile. I set off with the full intention of only doing the 3.5mile circuit. Once we got going though & we got to the decision point I said 'go on then' & we did the 5.5. I even suggested some lampost to lampost interval training to get our heartrates up a bit. So yesterday walked a total of 8.5 miles. My weekly total so far is 14.5 miles walked.

Twas ww tonight & I managed to lose 1lb this week. I am still a few above what I was a mth or so ago but I am not panicking as I feel on my way. The weather is really helping, getting out & about is so much easier when the sun is shining.

I am currently feeling like I don't need orlistat or that it won't make that much difference but I will see nearer the time.

It is my daughters 2nd birthday this weekend & i am both happy & sad, she is definately my last child & she has brought so much joy & happiness with her & I feel truly blessed to be her Mummy. We will celebrate but for me it is tinged with sadness as I feel I am waving goodbye to baby days. It is about time really as our eldest is nearly 17 but it is a journey I have thoroughly enjoyed ( not that it is stopping- but the dependence on me is waning) Hubby & I are ready to move on to the next phase in our life & I am sure I will adjust admirably, it's just change, but it s change that I am ready for so I will embrace it. Anyway, I will quit the waffling, & get on with getting on.

Cheerio for now.

Orlistat

I have been to see my GP today about my ongoing health issues, I brought up my weight issues as that is contributing to my problems. Her suggestion is if I can lose at least a kg on my own in the next 4 weeks, she will prescribe orlistat. So now I am torn, I don't really want to resort to medication but I just feel as though I could do with a helping hand. I get stuck before I have got very far & lose heart too easy. I think if I could lose a stone (ish) I would start to feel better about myself & have some self respect. I really don't know whether this is the right thing to do though. I need to break the vicious circle I am in. Today for instance has gone great, eaten well, walked the kids to & from school (c3miles) and been busy, active & productive in the house. The temptation is to keep going & do a bit more but I have promised myself that I will not push myself excessively as I then become exhausted & flop & feel a failure. I have set a target to walk the school runs all week, next week to add in an extra walk or maybe 2. I am shattered tonight as my little girl is still not well so has wanted to be glued to my hip. I have achieved alot considering! If anyone out there has any experience of these meds please chime in, I know about the potential side effects, I think the fear would keep me on the straight & narrow!

Anyway, yesterdays weight was 209lbs so creeping nearer to my under the 200lb goal.

Cheerio for now blogland

210lb!

Starting point is 210lb, I have finally dared to post my weight!!!!!! Well it can only be onwards & downwards from here on, feeling quite relaxed at the moment though-don't know how long that will last. Tomorrow is a new day with a different target, I am on my way!

Better day

Today has been a much better day (than the last couple when I didn't post) it has all been hormonal, I am now able to move on. I just seem to get so stuck when I have pmt. My eating has just been what I would class as normal. I didn't get to ww this week as I have had a poorly toddler who just wanted to sit on my knee, so I don't know where I am ( a few lbs up though I think) My poorly daughter did seem to make my usual pmt issues worse (ofcourse not her herself-just the repercussions of having to hold her all day.) I was nearly going stir crazy by the time yesterday came. I do not do well when I can't get out & walk a bit. I honestly think walking saves my sanity- I don't think I do enough for it to affect my weight but it is far better to be fat & sane than fat & losing the plot!

We have alot of stress going on in our house right now, we are seriously thinking about our future in dog breeding, we have been in the 'game' now for 4 years but it doesn't any less stressful or easier. It is also very unpredictable & cannot be a regular source of income which we need. I therefore need to do something else- decisions decisions!

Anyway back to my diet & exercise, I really want to get under 200lbs soon, I must be about 8-10lbs over & that is my initial goal but I want it now! I am going to try to move much more, kids are back to school next week so I will get back on the school runs. I will try to push myself to do a bit more each day but to be honest that is usually enough to wear me out (with all my busyness that goes on in my day) I just need to get over that initial exhaustion.

Anyway, enough for now, I will update soon, Milly

Feeling better

I seem to be getting on a bit better, my cup is half full again. I think it is a result of getting out & about & getting some perspective on my life. I am mainly a cup half full person, I just sometimes find that when everything gets a bit much I become despondent. This is often linked to pmt. I get low & think I need prozac, that was only 2 days ago & I know I definately don't need prozac today, just to learn to go with the flow more & not panic when things are a bit tough.

Food wise things have been ok. It is my alcohol that has taken me over. I am by no means a big drinker but hubby has had a week off so we have drank wine more frequently than usual. We ended up at a friends last night & had a lovely time, there were lots of other people there & all went well until the takeaway arrived, the outcome ended up good but it was my willpower as people would not take no for an answer. I kept saying, No thanks, I've had a meal & I'm not hungry & I am trying to cut down. IT WAS RELENTLESS!!!! They kept trying to tempt me, in the end I felt rude. Why do people do that? I didn't need to eat, didn't want to eat but they would not leave me alone. I got through it in the end & didn't eat. I am a bit of a people pleaser but I am so proud that I would not back down & eat something just to make them feel better. There is also a side to me that has thoughts like 'I am sure these people comment about how much weight I have gained' (a few of them anyway) I am definately the biggest of all my friends & that never seems to matter to those real close mates I have, they see my struggles & know that I am not just a lazy cow who scoffs all day. (I think that is how I think others see me sometimes) Anyway, these people were not being thoughtful to my efforts, quite the opposite.

Well tomorrow I need to quit the wine for the week, I may have a bit of success then. I am really happy to go slow, 1lb a week would do me if it was consistent & reflected my effort. I cannot sustain the really good all the time but I can be good 80% of the time & still lose slowly if I keep busy too. This is the time in my cycle when I struggle the most & often regain what I have lost in the first half of my month. I would love to exercise my backside of but this just does not fit in with my busy family life. I can devote sometime to myself & exercise but not masses, that would be selfish, there is just too much to do in our home on a daily basis for either of us to be that focused on ourselves at this stage in our life. This stage will pass though, my toddler will go to school, my eldest will hopefully go to uni(or start pulling his weight lol) I used to get up & swim early & that worked for a while until I got exhausted, something had to give & swimming had to go. I will hopefully try that again sometime. I am a bit of my own worst enemy when it comes to swimming though, I cannot take it steady, I used to swim competitively in my early teens & I am always pushing myself to improve, never just take it steady. I cannot bear to swim slowly! I still need to try running but at the moment daily life exhausts me, I just need to up the ante & get past that first push without collapsing in a heap!!!

Anyway Adios blogland, I'll be back!

Struggling again!

Oh what to do with me! I think I am reacting to stress! We have alot on at the moment. We have a lovely litter of pups who are about ready to go & I always hate this time as I stress about the homes they are going to & I dread that I will be suckered in & one of our beautiful pups will end up on a puppy farm. I am happy with the 2 that have homes already, their new owners seemed great & just what I would want but their are still 4 to go & I need to chill!

I am also stressed because we thought we were expecting another litter in 2 weeks but she is not looking pregnant at all, it is her 1st time so we have no history to go on. If this is this case I am going to have to look for a job. I gave up my job as SCBU nurse last August as it was just too much working with 5 kids. I had struggled for a while (since 2004 when I became hypothyroid) Financially I need an income just don't know what to do! I don't really want to go back to scbu as the intensive care side was very stressful & the long hrs wore me out & I would rather stay home with my little one, however I may not have a choice. I have so much going on in my head!!! We have also retired our little dog from breeding as she has some allergy issues that are as yet not fully resolved. I can see us ending up with just the one breeding girl & she won't be having anymore pups until next summer. I wouldn't get anymore dogs as they live in the house with us & I won't compromise on that & we do not have enough space for anymore.

Anyway, the result of this is that I couldn't be less motivated, I am shattered, achy & mardy(think totm is about a week away so that would explain the mardy bit.) I really need to get my mojo back & soon, we have a holiday booked in 12 weeks & I really can't go looking like this!!! I made the mistake of trying some leggings on in Next today, wow those mirrors are cruel! Needless to say I didn't buy them, it was a bit of a wake up call for me though as I didn't realise my legs had got so chunky. Sometimes a bad experience like that can really motivate me, not today though-although at this point I am still sticking to my ww points. Hubby is taking me to the pub for tea though & I really need to chose carefully & drink my bodyweight in wine!

Anyway I must go, I apologise for my moans again, I do like to get all this written down as it seems to straighten out lots in head, I think there is only Lesley ever reads it though! So thanks Lesley, you know I always appreciate you wisdom.

Adios blogland.

Oh yes, on a positive note, I only gained 1/2 at ww last night, easter didn't do too much damage!

ATLAST!!!!!!

I have got back on track! Yay! Go me! A few things have happened that has turned my thinking around. The biggest I think is that I've forgiven myself for getting despondent & giving up again. I have had lots of mental challenges lately, some worries with my health but I am feeling much better & more able to get on again. I am also being kind to myself & not tackling exercise just yet as when I don't get round to it I beat myself up. I will try & do eating well over the easter break & then when the kids go back to school try to up the exercise again. Of course during the school break I will not be a couch potato as my life is too busy for that, I just won't be doing anything 'formal'.
The other thing that has really encouraged me is that we are just about to book a holiday for July, this will be a sun holiday, Ibiza we think & we are only taking our youngest child with us. My mum will be minding our kids that are school age. We are going with friends who have a baby. My friend is much slimmer than me despite having a young baby so I am hoping for some motivation there. We have a family holday to Malta booked for August too. I have a sun dress hung on my door that I couldn't wear now. I keep looking at it & thinking 'you will fit me!'

Reading someone else's blog has really helped me too, this lady just didn't seem to be getting anywhere, kept having false starts & then all of a sudden she just got going. I am really impressed with her ability to keep going despite the scales not reflecting her effort, she just kept on & she was rewarded at next weigh in. Her weight loss seemed to do what mine does too, get down to an all time low then bounce back up but not as high as previous. I think a graph would help to motivate when this happens as I would still be able to see a downward trend.

I also just feel much better in myself, less tired, less down & more wanting to keep up with life. Long may it continue!!!

I have eaten much better the last few days, haven't comfort eaten at all. I have also drastically reduced my snacks which is one of my biggest problems. Anyway enough for now, got loads to do so will stop beating about the bush & get on!

Cheerio for now blogland, Milly

Trundling along

We have just got back from a weekend away to a wedding. It was a great day & I really enjoyed spending time with my family. I felt shocking though, my dress was too tight & my shoes hurt. I had a real major wobble when the dancing had just started, I was dancing with my 6 yr old when my 10 yr old calmly informs me that my bum sticks out loads in that dress. Now I have always had a large derriere & have hyperlordosis of my spine ( sticky out bum!) I went & sat down at the end of the record, my kind hubby told me he had told son not to tell me. I was rather hoping for 'you look fine'-but no! Just that he shouldn't of told me! Well it could of gone either way, I very nearly sat down for the rest of the night, hiding offending backside under the table, I got back up instead & went back to dance - lots! Ended up having a great time, danced with my kids & sister loads so much so that my knees are hurting today. I have to stop caring about my big backside & other peoples perceptions of me or I will never get anywhere. I would have danced till the end I think but we had to leave as my youngest got overtired & needed her bed.

I am back home now, catching up with everyones blogs. Something Lesley said about having faith that her body can do this really struck a chord with me. That is something I don't have, I don't have faith in my body at all. It just wants to get fatter & more immobile I think. I seem to be giving up at the first hurdle lately when I really need to persevere & push through that time when my body is screaming Noooo! give me it back! I am still having some health issues, have just started taking iron, I am hoping once that kicks in if I am not so tired all the time I will be able to do a bit more exercise without having to push myself to my limits all the time.

I must also stop being so hard on myself, I am definately my harshest critic ( except maybe my 10 yr old son lol!) I have been mean to myself for having setbacks & telling myself it's just because I am so overweight that I am tired all the time, turns out my iron stores are in my boots so there really isn't any wonder that I am a bit shattered. I have done this to myself many times before When I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism in 2004 I had been very unkind to myself, I thought I just needed to kick myself up the bum & stop moaning. My fourth ghild was 6 mths old & I thought it was just because 4 children was too much for me. Now I can look back & acknowledge that actually I did really well to keep going, I continued breastfeeding my baby despite feeling exhausted all the time & My levels were off the scale for one of the measurements. I think I maybe just expect too much of myself. I often wonder what would happen if I just gave up trying to lose weight for a year or so, maybe it would stop the negative cycle I seem to be in. I am always so worried that I will pile loads on though & as I struggle to lose, it will just make matters a whole lot worse. I don't want miracles but would of liked to be a dress size less by summer. That feels a bit impossible right now.

Oh my! What a dreary complaining post! I will stop whinging & get on with my day.
Cheerio for now.

Monday again!

I am still here, still struggling to get back on track properly, just coasting along, not overeating, just maintaining. A bit worried about my dress on Saturday but that's what scary pants are for! My exercise is a bit of a non starter too, my son waved my running water bottle at me tonight & asked me when am I going to start. Well not today as I have a stinky cold & feel very wussy. Last week ended up being a good walking week, covered plenty of miles. Ww was a bit disheartening, +2lbs, but never mind, downwards & onwards. I will stop being so hard on myself.

Back on track- at last!

I am back baby! I think I lost the plot for about 10 days in total. It wasn't as bad as it could have been but I'm sure I have slipped back down the snake of weight loss a fair bit. I haven't weighed myself since last week- being an ostrich- I will stay off the scales till thursday, I will probably of undone some of the damage by then so it won't be quite as soul destroying.
We have a family wedding in 12 days eek! My dress is a bit too snug so I am just going for it not being too tight & my belly not being so bloated.

I have had a good exercise day today, I have done 2 school runs & really pushed myself. I have also scrubbed our kitchen floor with a scrubbing brush which was hard work & had me puffed out. I wanted to start my running training tonight but feel quite shattered with a sore knee. I have put it off until tomorrow atleast. I need to learn to pace myself as my other half has informed me. I do tend to start a fresh & really go for it then get up the next day exhausted! I will see how I feel tomorrow. Adios!

Still Failing!

I am still doing what I do, I am overeating, not massively so (I never do that really) just not making good choices & having no willpower, when a friend suggests we have fish & chips for lunch- I didn't even miss a beat before I replied 'go on then'. My weight is up by about 2 lbs. We are at a family wedding in 2 weeks & I really need a few days on track to fit into my dress with more comfort. I also hate to think of all my relatives discussing how big I have become behind my back.

I have had a very stressful week with some health worries & investigations, I have been unable to focus properly & when I am distracted I eat!

Next week WILL be different however.

Fail!

I have just done a demonstration of what I do! Over the past couple of weeks I have followed my usual pattern & reacted just how I normally do. Have I not learnt anything?

It goes like this:- New start, feeling motivated, feeling healthy, craving healthy foods, wanting to exercise. Sticking to my plan, result-scales go down-I feel like I am getting there. I continue to try, not quite as stellar as before but still much better that previous & I see an increase on the scales. My response- to throw a hissy fit & stamp my feet, eat everything I shouldn't & stop journaling my eating habits/ exercise & in this case blogging. I am effectively burying my head in the sand & throwing my toys out of the pram. The effect is ofcourse more gain so I feel totally despondent. Now if my initial response had been 'it's just fluid, if I stick with it the lbs will be gone in a couple of days & take some of their mates with them' I would probably a couple of lbs down now. Why oh why do I do this to myself, I even see it coming.

Anyway, to be more postive, I maybe have learnt something. I may have gone of track but not in an 'eat my own body weight in crisps' kind of way. Just a few(sometimes 10) extra points a day (for 4 days) & an inrease in unhealthy foods & a decrease in the good stuff. I have also accepted that this isn't this isn't going to happen unless I up my exercise so I have walked about 5 miles today & aim to do at least 3 tomorrow. So despite my achy hip I feel good tonight & ready to have another new start!

Here's to New starts!

yuk!

Not a happy bunny today, I have gained 1 lb at ww & I really shouldn't have. I have had a good week, eaten well, only had very limited bread, had 1 packet of crisps all week (which was within my points) eaten no biscuits or chocolate & walked a few times & I gain! This is danger zone for me, I need to get through this without throwing a hissy fit & following the thought of 'what's the point' I need to keep on keeping on, not give up at the first hurdle & use this as an opportunity to prove that by sticking to it I will see results next week.
The only explanation I have for this is that it is mid month & I always seem to get a bloated on ovulation day. Yesterday I was feeling slimmer, my belly was not as bloated. Today I still feel slimmer but I got up with a very bloated belly.

I have a very busy sociable weekend coming up, not the best to have a good week! I will keep on keeping on though, try to increase my exercise & up my fruit & veg as that hasn't been quite as good as last week.

A plus point today:- 3 weeks ago I bought myself a sweater from Asda, I tried it on & was gutted that it was very snug & clearly displayed a spare tyre sat on the top of my trousers, it went straight back in the bag to be returned. Well it got as far as the car but I forgot to take it into Asda. Sweater has sat in the car since then, well I got it out today & tried it again & it fitted! Not loose but wearable. Also my husband has noticed that my butt is shrinking, so there is some good in my weight loss pursuits.

Reasons

I wanted to post my reasons for this blubber busting journey so I can look back & remind myself what this is all about if I feel myself slipping back into blubber land. So here goes:-

1. My health - I have niggly problems with my joints (hips & knees) that I think would improve if I wasn't so overweight. I know having a BMI over 30 puts me at an increased risk of a whole shed load of nasty diseases, my BMI is currently 32.3. (I know that a BMI of over 25 increases the risk but I am taking baby steps here)

2. My self esteem - I feel old & frumpy, I cannot wear the clothes I want to wear & often feel judged because of my size ( I am aware that this is probably a load of rubbish). I want to be able to wear more fashionable clothes without discomfort & feeling gross & not be ashamed of my body.

3. My fitness level - I am unfit, I am not happy about that. I want my body to be strong & supple and able to cope with the days challenges without being exhausted. I want to be able to go out for a run.

4. My kids - I want my kids to be proud of me. I have 4 fab sons aged from 16 - 6. I don't want them to be ashamed of me. I have 1 daughter who is 22 mths. I want to stay young enough to play with her at soft play & still look hip & trendy when she is a teenager (not that I do now!!!) I shouldn't base my journey on others but my sister lost 7 stone a few years ago. I have seen how it has transformed her from frumpy to fabulous & I want some of that!

That is all I can think of for now, I may update later if I think of anymore.

On another note, I am still doing well, I am amazing myself as I have usually got despondent by now, I actually did get a bit despondent yesterday as I made the mistake of getting on the scales which said 2 lbs up since saturday, I was gutted as it was only 1 meal that I had gone off track (admittedly a big off track) so I could have gone either way. Part of me was yelling 'what's the point? I can never get anywhere, why am I putting myself through this?' My sane part was answering 'get a grip, what do you expect, just get back on track & you can pull them lbs back' Well on this occasion I listened to the sane response, I stuck with it & dillydallied before getting on the scales this am, should I/ shouldn't I? Well in the end I got on, I was pleased to see I was 1 & 1/2 lb down(that is 1/2lb down from ww on thursday) I need to resolve to stop getting on the blinking scales, they are mean & can make me go off track. So no more scales until thursday & then not again until thursday after. If I stick with this the weight will come off, I will not give my scales the power to knock me off track!!! There that told them!

Weekend

My weekend has gone quite well. We had an indian takeaway last night & lots of wine as it was our wedding anniversary, that has been my only blip. (Quite a big blip I know!) I am feeling slimmer & my clothes are fitting better.

I have not been too hungry at all, this is a good time of my month for me to do well. I will continue to take advantage of that.

Exercise is still not going well. I have had a busy weekend with kids parties & lots of other essential chores. All I seem to manage is some of the school runs, which I try to fast walk, it only take about 20 mins each way so it is not much but better than nothing at all. It must do some good though as when the kids are on scholl hols & I don't even do the walking I feel that I turn to blubber quickly.
Anyway, enough waffling for now, cheerio

Day 7 - YAY!!!!

Weigh day today, I am feeling slimmer & my scales suggested a loss this am. I was delighted when I got to ww to find I had lost 3 & 1/2 lbs. That is an amazing achievement for me as I am a 1/2 lb a week girl normally but I have eaten all good stuff this week & none bad. I would normally eat crisps & bread but just count the points whereas this week I have hardly had any bread, no crisps but lots of wholesome food. I have actually eaten much more!

With regards to my appointment with the nurse, I would love to say it went well but it didn't actually go at all, I was really tempted to cancel as I was shattered & I feel like I am getting a cold , my daughter was tired & really needed a nap & I didn't have my own car so had to take hubby's which I don't like driving. Well I pushed myself to go only to find I was 24 hrs late! Durr! I had remembered the time correctly but not the date. I have reappointed but it is not for 2 weeks so I will see how I am doing, if I continue to lose on my own I will cancel.

So sticking with it & have actually enjoyed it this week ( did I really say that???) So bring on week 2. Shopping tomorrow to restock on all foods good. The fruit flies (my kids) just devour however much fruit I but & I hide a stash in the fridge from them. Sad, but necessary!
Enough for now, back soon!

Day 5- Bread!

I have been off bread all week, felt good, bloating seemed to be going down then tonight I did a party tea for my son's birthday & counted up my plateful, was within my points, felt satisfied but later on just felt like I had overeaten. I think it maybe just sits there & doesn't digest easily. The thing is that I love bread, especially the seeded stuff. I think it is time to acknowledge that it isn't so keen on me. Back on the bread wagon tomorrow for another few days to see how I feel.

I have kept off the scales so far this week, I usually weigh myself on monday & thursday then weigh in at ww on a thurs evening. I just know that if I hadn't lost anything yesterday I would have become despondent. I am feeling better in myself so that is more important than the dreaded scales.

I have an appointment tomorrow with the nurse at our surgery to discuss my weight issues. I am hoping to be able to have the ww vouchers. I currently help to save money so never listen to the leader as I am counting money & filling in paperwork at that time. I would like to try a different night & leader to really go for it with renewed vigour for the 12 weeks. I will update tomorrow night.

I am still struggling to fit any formal exercise but I am physically active most of day. I have scrubbed my mother's floor tiles & grout & thoroughly cleaned her kitchen cupboards this am which was physically hard work so i will count that as my exercise for today!

Anyway, enough waffling for know. Be back tomorrow.

Day 4-

Feeling optimistic. I write a journal everyday to assist in my weight loss & fitness efforts where I write what I have eaten, any exercise, fruit & veg, track my water intake & generally how I am feeling. My enthusiasm & positivity vary from day to day so I have decided to rate out of five how positive I am feeling (that I can reach a 'more healthy weight'.) Today it is 4/5 - I can do this, I will get there, the mountain is easily surmountable. Some days my feelings tell a very different story, I am doomed to failure, this weight will stay with me forever, I will just get fatter, I will never be fit again- these are all thoughts that regularly go through my help & knock my confidence.

This first week is going well so far, enjoying the healthy food, coped well with challenges yesterday of being out much longer than planned, actually got round to doing some exercise today. All good & promising. I will continue to take one day at a time.

I intend to list my reasons for this journey, when I have more than a few minutes to spare, but for now I will set my goals:-

1. To drop a dress size by the time I need to buy summer clothes
2. To maintain that size
3. To run race for life without stopping.

Anyway, enough for now, cheerio

Well day 2 of the new me challenge has gone fairly well. As it's a Saturday I have had a few more obstacles to get over. (taking my 10 yr old son shopping & treating him to a hot sausage roll while having 'just' a cup of tea springs to mind!) I have also caved & had some wine with our evening meal. I really wanted to not drink any wine for this first week but I have accounted for it so I am letting myself off. I am doing weight watchers & have been for some time, I have just changed my approach this week. I want to mainly do 'no count' ( not available on the current program but I have the old literature) I am counting points today though for a bit more flexibility & if I don't eat any more today which I don't plan to I will have done good.
I am actually a gold member at ww, even if I did reach my goal back in 2001 & only stayed there for about 2 weeks (or was it 3 hours lol!) Once a gold member always a gold member though. I have had 2 more children since I got to goal & developed hypothyroidism so I find it much tougher to lose nowadays & so much easier to gain-sigh! I think pushing the big 4- 0 doesn't help either. I will not give up to a life of lard though, I will be a fit chick again! Anyway Adios for today :-)

Day one - new life

First day of new life has gone very well (to be expected I know) I have not felt hungry. I have not done any formal exercise but have had a very busy day with hardly any sitting down. Managed to work up a sweat washing floors.
I am hoping to start training for Race for life next week (waiting for new trainers) I am going to use my running made easy book & do the 1 minute plan as I have had success with this in the past. I am very overweight (about 3 1/2 stone above the top of healthy weight range) so I need to take it very steady & build up slowly. (I probably shouldn't try running but it makes me feel like I am really doing something) I also want to get back on my bike for some lower impact exercise. Both of these I can do without having to be out the house for a long time so should be easier to fit in.
I have been shopping today & stocked up on lots of fruit, veg & other healthy stuff. I had to make a decision that 'I am worth it', as so often in the past I would not buy the stuff that would help me due to financial constraints, well they are still there but I have decided to make my health a priority & invest a bit more thoughtfully in my future. I am very concientious with my kids nutrition but in the past have not had the same values for myself.
Anyway, that's all for now, looking forward to day 2!

New life starts tomorrow! Not sure how it's going to go/how long it will last. I have tried this weight loss malarkey lots of times before, I start off well but soon hurdles become too high & I end up caving, eating rubbish & not exercising. That approach has a negative effect - eat rubbish- feel rubbish & there starts my downward spiral. I have lost confidence in my ability to do this, feel despondent & almost sure to fail, I appreciate this is not a recipe for success!
I have a very busy stressful few months coming up, normally a recipe for weight gain for me but this needs to stop, I need to break this destructive cycle, I need to stop using food as an emotional aid & learn to give it it's appropriate place in my life - as fuel.
I would like to use my blog for accountability (to myself). To recognise my success & what 'makes' me fail. I would like to be able to document my exercise, so I am encouraged to do more but also acknowledge the efforts I do make.
Well here I go!!!!